Mō Ichido

I remember when I was a young man out drinking with my friends we would try to avoid “breaking the seal”. It’s this myth that once you go pee for the first time that you somehow doom yourself to a night of going back and forth to “the jacks” (toilet) as you would no longer have the ability to hold it like you did before that first pee. Of course it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with downing multiple pints of liquid, and the fact that alcohol is a diuretic!

This “breaking the seal” might be just a myth, but I have noticed in my own experience that after the first time I’ve done something I’m more likely to repeat that behaviour. Not exactly a groundbreaking theory, I know. But I have seen it happen time and time again where a well-maintained streak will be broken, and after that, discipline seems to wain. And before I knew it “I do” became “I used to do”.

I think that’s possibly what happened the first time I took up karate over 20 years ago. An injury made me take some time out and interrupted my training. I went back but then another interruption came along. Then another. Eventually momentum and motivation took a dive and I got used to not going. “Life got in the way” is what people say sometimes. But life was always there back when I regularly trained too. I think my perfectionism played a roll in that: if I can’t maintain the perfect streak, or even a very good one, what’s the point? Make no mistake: perfectionism is more likely to ruin the things you love and paralyse you, than it is to spur you on to achieving greatness.

I’m not trying to be a downer. I suppose I’m writing this to hold myself accountable and ensure I don’t let perfectionism replace true discipline. Last week, for the first time ever, I had to bow out and go home early. After less than an hour training at the dojo I had to make my apologies and leave. A vomiting bug managed to make it in to our home the previous week and I was the last person in the family to get it. I thought I was fully recovered, but after a few minutes of intense training I started to gag, and during a water break I made a bolt for the nearest toilet. I coughed and gagged some more but nothing came up, so I went back to the floor before the water break was over. But the “seal” was broken and after only a few more minutes of training I left again (this time not during a break). More gagging, but again nothing came up. I waited outside until I heard “yame” (“stop”) so I wouldn’t interrupt the class, made my apologies, gathered my things, bowed, and left. I was worried I would throw up on the floor and thought it best not to risk it.

In the end I never did throw up that night, and I think now that it was more a mental thing where the fear of doing it made me gag (sorry I know this isn’t pleasant reading… but I am probably the only one reading this blog anyway). Still worried that I wasn’t completely over the vomiting bug, I ended up skipping the following class at the dojo as well, and so I was getting a bit worried. Was I losing momentum and motivation?

I’m pleased to say that I returned to the dojo this week and thoroughly enjoyed a full and intense class. By this stage of life I hope I have learned that true determination is worth more than perfectionism. There may be hiccups, injuries, and the other demands of life to contend with, but I am committed to keeping this going. I will not go back to a sedentary life and the rapid physical decline that it brings at my age. Karate has given me too much for me to quit now.